Tag: Funny

It’s Not What You Know, It’s Who You Know

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Last Sunday was my last Sunday teaching the children’s Bible class for a while — yep…new year, new quarter, new teacher…all I can say is, bless her heart! 😂❤️😇😇😇❤️😂

Don’t get me wrong — I love those little Bible students to death, but I’ve always said teaching kids has to be more difficult than teaching adults.

You see, adults know a lot of things already…and the things they don’t know, they’re usually too embarrassed to ask, so they’ll just Google it…but kids?? They just use YOU as their own personal Google! 😂

Yep, there’s no shame in their game!! 😂 And for the past 16 weeks, these little elementary schoolers have been coming outta left field every Sunday with their questions about God and life and death and the universe…and I’m just over here like, Jesus help me through another Sunday…🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😂😂😂

I kid, I kid…mostly. 😉

The truth is they ask great questions…I just don’t always have great answers for them…🫠😩🤔.

But I guess that’s the beauty of it all — as the students learn, I learn, too. It’s truly a humbling experience.

But it always leads me to wonder…when it comes to the scriptures, at this stage in life, DOES God expect me to “know it all?”

😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

And for some reason, when I was thinking about this, the name Ken Jennings popped into my mind. Remember him? The guy who holds the record for the longest consecutive winning streak on Jeopardy!? 🤓🤓🤓

He’s obviously someone with a lot of knowledge, albeit useless🙄…but that’s beside the point.

My point is, even after 74 consecutive wins (😱), even he was finally stumped!

Ken: Alex, I’ll take Psalm 23 for $100, please.

Alex: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want, He makes me lie down in these grassy plains where sheep love to graze.

Ken: (*Buzzzzzz*) What is…a meadow?

Alex: No. I’m sorry, the correct answer was actually green pastures.

😂😂😂😂

Okay, okay…that’s NOT the actual question that put Ken “out to pasture” so-to-speak (no pun intended 😂)…but I would feel a lot better about my own Bible knowledge if it were…😂

But is that what God wants from us? A Ken Jennings-level of Bible knowledge? 74 consecutive wins at Bible trivia?

Or does God desire that we give Him more than just a Jeopardy-style regurgitation of Bible facts?? 🤓🤔

That kind of knowledge lives in the mind, but God wants to live in our hearts and souls as well (Matthew 22:37).

In other words, God wants you and I to do more than just quote a scripture about a Shepherd — He wants us to know the Shepherd Himself, Jesus Christ…and he wants to make us one of his sheep, so that we too can lie down in green…meadows.

  • God doesn’t want us to just memorize…he wants us to meditate.
  • He doesn’t want our orations…He wants our obedience.
  • He doesn’t just want us to learn…he wants us to love (knowledge puffs up, love builds up! I Corinthians 8:1).

David, a man after God’s own heart knew a little something about this…Psalm 119:97-105 says:

“Oh, how I love Your law! All day long it is my meditation. Your commandments make me wiser than my enemies, for they are always with me.

I have more insight than all my teachers, for Your testimonies are my meditation. I discern more than the elders, for I obey Your precepts.

I have kept my feet from every evil path, that I may keep Your word. I have not departed from Your ordinances, for You Yourself have taught me.

How sweet are Your words to my taste—sweeter than honey in my mouth! I gain understanding from Your precepts; therefore I hate every false way.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

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No, I’ll probably never know it all…but I’m going to keep learning, loving, meditating, and obeying God’s Word, because it’s the only way to know Him.

After all, sometimes it’s not what you know, but who you know that counts…especially when it comes to Jesus.

Until next time…

-PWAP

That’s What He Said…

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Like millions of Americans, you might be familiar with a TV show called The Office.

Even if you’ve never watched it, you’ve probably at least heard of it.

Based on the inner workings of a small fictional paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania, the show follows the mundane routines of a colorful collection of office workers — Michael, Dwight, Jim, Pam, Angela, Phyllis, Ryan, Kelly, Stanley, Meredith, and Toby — as they go about their daily task of selling paper.

It’s quite the cast, to say the least. But a roster of quirky characters isn’t the only thing that sets The Office apart from other prime time comedies.

The show also uses a unique documentary-style of filming and an unprecedented amount of “cringe humor” (comedy that plays on social awkwardness 🫠)…a combination that ended up creating a sort of middle-class magic that endeared the show to an entire nation for nearly a decade.

With that being said….

It is important to note that despite all of the show’s positive attributes, viewer discretion should be advised due to moments where the humor borders on being more crude than cringe…

…including Michael Scott’s favorite punchline, “That’s what she said.”

If you don’t know what that phrase means, I hate to be the one responsible for marring your innocence — but….for lack of a better definition, let’s just say, it’s a unique phrase able to take even the most innocent conversations out of context and give them a double meaning that’s…well, straight out of the gutter. 😳

With that being said…I wonder if anyone has ever figured out just who “she” is…and what she thinks about all of these people putting words in her mouth!?! 🫢

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And then I thought about Jesus — I know, weird time for Him to pop into my head, but…

Sometimes people do the same thing to Him — putting words in His mouth that don’t belong there.

If there was ever an episode of The Office where Michael Scott conducted a Bible Study the same way he conducts one of his infamous staff meetings, I can only imagine how it would go — unstudied, shooting from the hip as usual, I can imagine him trying to quote scripture, but confusing it with common motivational phrases like:

  • “Be true to yourself.”
  • “Trust your gut.”
  • “Feel good about who you are.”
  • “Happiness is what matters.”
  • “Just be a good person.”

Then, of course, the camera would pan to Jim, who might facetiously interject something like, “Michael, I think you forgot to mention, ‘Listen to your heart — the heart won’t lie.’”

A shot of Jim and Pam exchanging a humorous glance would be cut short by an sudden outburst from across the room.

And in typical knee-jerk fashion, Dwight Schrute, Assistant to the Regional Manager, would point at Jim and exclaim, “FALSE! The heart is deceitful above all things. Therefore it will lie and you cannot therefore reliably listen to it.”

😂😂😂😂😂😂

To which I would have to say…the man ain’t wrong. 🤷‍♀️ (Jeremiah 17:9)

Yet, all of those things that Michael said are things we hear in our culture almost everyday…even from Christians!

But NONE of them are what Jesus said.

What Jesus actually said is:

  • “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” – Luke 9:23

To put it plainly, oftentimes “being true to ourselves, trusting our gut, putting our own happiness above all else, and simply listening to our heart” are going to be in direct opposition to the things Jesus has commanded.

Therefore, it will be necessary in those moments to deny ourselves, deny our personal happiness, stop listening to our heart/trusting our gut and start listening to and trusting Jesus instead!

We need to be careful not to take His words out of context or to replace His standards with our own.

Otherwise, in our ignorance (willful or not), we might be guilty of confusing culture with Christ.

The only way to prevent that confusion is to actually read the words that Jesus said…in the Bible itself.

And when you do, you’ll have the confidence of knowing, “That’s what HE said.”

Until next time…

-PWAP

I Came in Like a Wrecking Ball

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A “memory” popped up on my Facebook newsfeed the other day. It was a picture of my youngest son playing in the backyard. 🥰

I love it when those kind of memories pop up — but something about this one in particular brought a smile to my face.

My son, who was about four years old at the time, was pretending to build something, so in true preschooler fashion, he was dressed for the part — wearing one of those bright orange safety vests commonly worn by construction workers (and one of The Village People 🤣).

Right after donning the vest, he had run over to me and proudly announced — “Look, Mom! I’m a destruction worker!” 😬

😂😂😂😂🤣

Now, obviously he meant construction worker…but nonetheless, truer words have never been spoken. 😜🤣

But in all fairness, he’s not the only “destruction worker” in the family…look no further than my oldest son’s bedroom and you will see that my husband and I have managed to spawn not one, but two destruction workers. 🙄🙄🙄

They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…and while most of the time I prefer to hold their dad accountable for passing down the destructive genes — I must confess that today I ended up doing a little destructing of my own…😬

You see…after dropping the boys off at school this morning, I stopped at Walmart to pick up a few things.

As I passed the home goods section, there was a large mirror that caught my eye. It was decently priced and I knew just the right place to hang it back at home. 😍

Only problem was finding just the right place to put it in the cart…

Like I said, it was rather large.

So, I tried putting it in the cart this way…and that way… and then the other way… and well, nothing was quite working. 🤔

So I thought, I’ll just set it across the top of the cart like so and just go real slow until I get to the cash register. I’m sure it’ll be just fine.

However…it was, in fact, anything but fine. 😳

With one hand on the mirror and the other commandeering the shopping cart, I bravely pioneered my way toward the end of the aisle.

So far, so good.

But just as I began to turn the corner…things took a “turn” for the worse…literally.

Let’s just say, in the words of Miley Cyrus — “I came in like a wrecking ball!!!!”

🤣🤣🤣🫣🫢😱😭🤦‍♀️

I hadn’t gone more than a few feet before managing to clip the end-cap display with the corner of the mirror, sending two ceramic votives free-falling to the floor. 🫠🫣🫢😵

I cringed as the sound of shattering glass pierced my ears.

Immediately, a man in the next aisle came over to help, followed by a Walmart associate.

Mortified, I knelt down picking up the broken shards and apologized profusely for causing such a scene.

The associate reassured me not to worry, everything would be fine.

As she radioed for backup, she also instructed me not to touch anything (I think she was referring to the broken glass, but at that point I wouldn’t blame her if she had actually meant “please, for the love of all that is good, don’t touch anything else in this store” 😂).

Thankfully, the votives were small and relatively inexpensive…and Walmart was not going to hold me to the old “you break it, you buy it” slogan.

I felt ashamed, yet relieved at the same time.

😔😔😔😔😔🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😌😌😌😌😌

Truly remorseful for my lapse in judgment and thankful for the pardon I had received, I apologized again as I slowly wheeled my buggy away from the scene of the crime vowing to never attempt anything like that again.

In fact, I put the mirror back on the shelf — taking the incident as a sign that that purchasing that mirror was not, in fact, a part of God’s plan for my life…🤣).

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Of course…if you know me at all by now, you know that I couldn’t walk away from this experience without having learned at least a couple of invaluable lessons from it.

One of which is…as alone and singled- out as I felt in that moment, I’m sure I’m not the only one to have ever broken something in a store before. And I probably won’t be the last.

And the same is true when it comes to sin.

I Corinthians 10:13: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind…”

Romans 3:23: “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…”

Spiritually speaking, we’re all “destruction workers.”

It’s been that way since Adam and Eve…talk about the apple not falling far from the tree. 🙄

And yet, destruction was never God’s plan for any of our lives.

That’s why He sent His Son Jesus to save and pardon us.

There’s no “you break it, you buy it” clause with Jesus around.

Why? Because Jesus already paid the price!

Romans 5:18: “Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men.”

Praise God!

That’s not to say that we should just go around “breaking things” on purpose like a bunch of rioters or vandals…as Paul writes, “Should we sin that grace may abound? God forbid!” (Romans 6:1-2)

In Matthew 7:13-14, Jesus says that the broad way of living that leads to destruction, but the narrow “aisle” leads to life (even for those of us who are more accident-prone 😉).

But how do you find that narrow aisle?

In John 14:6, Jesus says, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’”

Jesus is that narrow aisle. He is the way to salvation and eternal life. And it was Jesus himself who said, “He who believes and is baptized shall be saved…” (Mark 16:16)

In all my broken, clumsy ways, He has saved me. And He can save you too, if you will only let Him.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall…Jesus really is the fairest one of all.”

Until next time…

-PWAP

Too Big for Your Britches

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“You’re gettin’ too big for your britches!”

For a pretty scrawny kid, I heard this phrase a lot growing up…🙄

Of course, it had nothing to do with me actually outgrowing my pants — it usually meant I needed an attitude check.

As an adult, however, this phrase has taken on a much more literal meaning…

You’ve heard of the freshman 15, right?

Well, over the past two years, I’ve put on the “Covid 19” — if you know what I mean…😜

And as a result, I’ve literally gotten too big for my britches…😂😂🤣😔

When I first noticed that my pants weren’t fitting the way they used to, I thought…no big deal, I’ll just cut back on the calories…take a few more walks…and I’ll be down to my previous weight in no-time.

Ha.

Turns out, it’s a lot easier to pack on the pounds than it is to take them off.

So, despite my good intentions, it became clear that I needed to go with Plan B…

…Buy some bigger pants.

🤣🤣🤣

Ahhh…much better.

In the moment, it seemed my problem was solved…but there was just one glitch.

You see, I changed my pants without changing my habits.

I became so comfortable in my new, roomier pants that it allowed me the wiggle room to continue being complacent in my old eating habits.

Since my old snug pants were no longer there to make me feel like a busted can of biscuits every time I tried them on, there was no longer any catalyst for change.

So…….as I continued along over the course of a few more months, I reached a point where even my new pants were getting a little snug. 😱😱😱

And eventually (I’m ashamed to say), I decided it was time to activate Plan C…

…Stretchy Pants.

😂😂😂

I mean, it was during the height of the pandemic, so we really weren’t going anywhere anyway…(besides Wal-mart pickup, that is)….so it seemed like the perfect solution. 😂

But in the long run, it was more of a band-aid to my problem than a cure.

And in my heart of hearts, I realized that if didn’t break this pattern, it could become an endless cycle…if I outgrew every successive pair of pants I purchased, one day I’d have my own reality TV show and have to be removed from my house by a crane. 😳😳😳

***************************************

But my struggle is nothing new…experts have been spouting statistics for years about the American diet/lifestyle and how it is contributing to conditions like obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.

We get ourselves in these predicaments in at least one of two ways:

1. By eating for taste, not for hunger.

2. And a lack of exercise.

I think we all know that by now.

But what experts have yet to report on is that Christians in America are having similar issues with their spiritual diets as well:

In a spiritual context, choosing to “eat for taste, not for hunger” means we only consume Biblical teachings that are palatable to us (e.g. God’s love, forgiveness, and grace)…without feeding on the Word of God as a whole.

Many believers in America today want to skip over the “meat and potatoes” of the Bible and go straight to the “dessert” — and many churches are responding by holding back parts of the Truth for fear of offending picky palates.

But this isn’t Golden Corral.

You don’t get to just pick and choose what you put on your plate — and you definitely don’t get to skip straight to the Chocolate Wonderfall. (🤭)

By failing to acknowledge both God’s love as well as His severity (Romans 11:22), we’re not just loosening a belt…we’re loosening doctrine itself…for the purpose of our comfort.

And just like my own experience, it’s a slippery slope.

Over time, as we become more and more set in our unhealthy habits, the belt only tends to become looser and looser…the pants bigger and bigger…until, like me, one day you find yourself just lounging around all day in a pair of “spiritual sweatpants” (you know, the ones with the mystery stain and the elastic waistband that’s almost shot) feeling more than comfortable in your sins 😱…

I suppose that’s fine if you’ve got no where to go and no one to see…🫣

But let me remind you of this… just as one day the pandemic waned and I actually had to put on real pants to go out in public again…one day, we will have an appointment with God as well…and the last thing we want to do is show up looking less than presentable.

************************************

God calls us to be imitators of Him, and the only way to do that is through spiritual diet and exercise.

Maybe you aren’t glossing over what the Bible says. Maybe you are feeding on every thing God’s all-you-can-eat buffet has to offer…that’s good and I commend you.

But that’s also a lot of calories to consume in one sitting.

So, we can’t just settle for a sedentary lifestyle…we also need to walk…with God.

James 1:22 puts it like this…”Be doers of the word, and not hearers only. Otherwise, you are deceiving yourselves.”

Or to use a more familiar phrase…Just Do It.

It may be Nike’s slogan, but it applies to our walk with Jesus Christ as well.

What good are all those calories if we don’t put them to good use? Calories were meant to sustain our energy as we expend it!

In I Corinthians 9:27 (NLT), the apostle Paul says, “I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.”

Indulgence and complacency feel good in the moment, but the effects of their habitual practice are far-reaching…you know what they say, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. 😉

When it comes to what God’s Word says on a subject, don’t go “shopping around” for a better fit…instead make the effort to allow God to mold you to fit what His Word says…

…because after all, when we find ourselves getting too big for our britches, it not because He’s changed — it’s because we have.

Until next time…

-PWAP

Feeling Zesty

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I went through the drive thru at Burger King this afternoon to get a burger and some onion rings.

When the young man handed me my bag of food, I said, “Oh, could I have some zesty sauce please?”

He nodded politely and the next thing I knew, he was handing me what seemed to be an ENORMOUS pile of zesty sauces. 😳😳😳😳

As he transferred the packets into my hand, I said, “Thank you so much,” simultaneously thinking to myself, how many zesty sauces does one woman need???? 🤣🤣🤣

My cup-holder runneth over. 😉

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As I drove away, a verse came to mind…

And no — it’s not “Man shall not live by zesty sauce alone.”

😂😂😂

It was Matthew 5:41-42.

“…And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.”

In a world where condiments are growing scarcer by the day (I mean, even Chick-fil-A has its limits), this young man went above and beyond the call of duty.

I only asked him to go one mile, and he went two.

I was floored.

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It may seem like “just zesty sauce,” but the principle of the matter is really so much more.

He didn’t just grudgingly “do his job” or try to skate by with the bare minimum to keep from being fired.

And as Christians, neither should we!

God is our “boss” — and He doesn’t want us just “getting by” doing the bare minimum just to keep from being fired.

No, in this world believers are even more scarce than condiments, but that’s all the more reason to willingly go the extra mile to give of ourselves to others just as this young man gave of those zesty sauces.

It shows we care about people not because we “have to,” but because we want to, because we genuinely love God, genuinely love them, and because most importantly God genuinely loves them!!

When we heed Jesus’ call in Matthew 5 to go above and beyond the call of duty for friends and enemies alike, they may not always appreciate it. They may even look at us like we’re crazy…or metaphorically speaking just spit in our face.

But if nothing else, it’s a sure-fire way to get people’s attention…and to give God the glory.

So, go the extra mile for someone today.

If zesty sauces can make that kind of impression, there’s no telling what kind of impact you might make!

Until next time…

-PWAP

All I Really Need to Know, I Learned From…

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Isn’t it ironic how some of life’s most important lessons aren’t learned in the classroom at all?

My high school English teacher, Mrs. Kotyuk, had a poster on her wall that humorously testified to this very fact.

It was one of those “All I Really Need to Know in Life, I learned from ________” posters.

I’m sure you’ve seen one before — and chances are, your teacher had one, too! 🤓

The concept for the posters came from a book written in 1986 titled, “All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten.”

And since then, there’s been no shortage of spin-off themes, ranging anywhere from Star Trek to Mexican hat-dancing 🤣 — each showcasing it’s own unique list of witty little tongue-in-cheek adages that apply to life.

The idea of life lessons learned outside the classroom never rang truer than it did last week when the kids were out of school for spring break, and we decided to take them to the local theme park.

I’ll tell you what, school may have been out, but visiting a theme park in peak season is an education all its own. 😳

And now I somehow feel strangely qualified 🤔 to write an “All I Really Need to Know” list of my very own 😳🤣😜😬.…

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW, I LEARNED FROM A DAY AT THE THEME PARK:

1. Good things come to those who wait.

— that is, as long as the ride doesn’t experience technical difficulties and have to shut down after you’ve waited 2 hours in line. 🙄🙄🙄 (Not that I would know from experience or anything…🤣).

I guess we could’ve bought the “fast passes” that let you skip the line, but we’re a little too budget conscious (aka cheap) for that…

So, as I stood in the lines for hours on end, one of the thoughts that crossed my mind was: Why are there so many people willing to wait in a 2 hour line for a 3 minute ride — but won’t attend a 2 hour worship service that has eternal impact on their souls? 😔

Maybe it’s because it’s because in Christ’s kingdom, there are no fast passes. You can’t just buy your way out of line. In fact, He promises that “the last shall be first, and the first last.” (Matthew 20:16)

What that really means is that those who cut ahead in this life for their own personal gain, won’t be rewarded by God in eternity. But it’s those who wait patiently, putting the commands of God before their own desires, and the needs of others before their own needs, who will be rewarded in the final judgment.

2. Just enjoy the ride.

The lines may have been long, but the rides were still short — as is this life.

In fact, sometimes this life feels like a roller coaster itself! We’re buckled in to the very end and in some ways all we can do is hang on and try to enjoy the ride.

Though we are ultimately fixing our eyes on Jesus and looking forward to Heaven, through the ups and downs, twists and turns, God does wants us to find some joy in this short life —

“Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot.” – Ecclesiastes 5:18

3. The best things in life are free.

They say you get what you pay for…well, except at theme parks, where you end up paying $75 dollars for a couple of chicken tenders and a non-refillable coke. 🤣

(My husband learned this the hard way …turns out the $5 one-use paper cups now have little sensors on the bottom that detect if you try to fill your drink more than once. 🙄)

But, wait! The good news is, for the low, low price of only $18, you can buy a reusable plastic cup that is good for unlimited fountain drink refills throughout the park.

Sound like a steal? Sure, compared to the paper cups…but the only catch is it’s only good for one day…if you bring the cup back to the park with you the next day, you have to pay an additional $11 to reactivate it. 😳

Listen, I may be thirsty, but I ain’t that thirsty. I’ll take my chances on an ambulance and a saline drip before I consent to that kind of highway robbery. 😂

And in comparison, Jesus’ offer has never sounded sweeter.

His water is free: “…I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts’” (Revelation 21:6) and “…whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14)

4. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

It’s not just the crowds, costs, and coasters that are hard on you at the theme park, but sometimes it’s the elements themselves. Weather-wise, you never know what a day at the park is going to throw your way.

Cold and rain? Heat and sun? Either way, it pays to plan ahead and come prepared.

And it starts with listening to the forecast and heeding it’s warnings.

If there’s a chance of rain, bring your umbrella…or you’ll end up soaked and miserable…(or out $20 bucks for an oversized plastic trash bag, otherwise known as a poncho 😂).

If the forecast calls for sunny skies, you’ll definitely need plenty of sunscreen —- either that or plenty of aloe after it’s all said and done. 😂

God says we should heed the warnings in our spiritual lives as well…he wants us to be conscientious and prudent in our spiritual actions…not just “learning the hard way” and then asking for forgiveness all the time —

“And Samuel said, ‘Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.’” – I Samuel 15:22

5. Never judge a book by its cover.

Our sons have recently taken an interest in the Harry Potter books, which is why we chose to visit Universal over Disney this time — so they could check out the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. 😊

But it didn’t take long to realize that we weren’t the only ones there for that reason. The Harry Potter section was easily the most popular part of the park.

People were not only flocking to the rides there, but to the shops as well. They came out carrying interactive wands, drinking butter beers, and wearing the classic Hogwarts’ robes all around the park.

Honestly, it was neat to see such enthusiasm…but there were some people wearing robes that I would have otherwise never pegged as Harry Potter fans.

I witnessed people of all races, ages, and sexes traipsing about the park, much as if they were at Hogwarts itself.

And that’s what really got me thinking…how often are we guilty of pegging people as not likely to receive the gospel? When in reality, they could be the very ones who need to hear it most!

How can we deny any individual the opportunity to one day wear a robe…and a crown? (Mark 16:15)

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Despite the crowds and the costs, at the end of the day, the kids said they had the best day ever, they both got to ride their first big roller coaster (and I had personally learned a lot more than I bargained for)…so I’d call it a success.

But our “dogs were barking” so-to-speak, we were tired, and just ready to go home!

How about you? Have you ever felt that way?

Spiritually speaking, this life has its wonderful moments, but it can also wear you down worse than a day at the theme park! But the reality is, we won’t be here forever. Our admission is limited and our passes will eventually expire.

When they do, will you be ready to go home?

The only way to know for sure is by obeying God’s Word…after all, when it really comes down to it…

All You Really Need to Know, You Can Learn From the Bible. ❤️

Until next time…

-PWAP

This too shall pass…

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“This too shall pass”…nobody really quite knows where that famous colloquial phrase originated…but credit has been assigned to many different possible origins…including ancient Persian, Buddhist, and Jewish sources. It’s also one of those phrases that people even sometimes mistake for a Bible verse (right up there with “God works in mysterious ways”). But alas, it’s not.

While we may never know the exact origins of the phrase, consensus is that it’s been around for a while — and from what I hear, it was even one of Abraham Lincoln’s favorite sayings.

As I was driving to pick the kids up from school today, the phrase popped into my head.

I was just driving down a two-lane road minding my own business, going the speed limit (maybe even 5 over 🤭), when all of the sudden, a big Dodge pickup that was all jacked-up on monster truck tires came up behind me loud and fast in my rear-view mirror.

He quickly gained on me until he couldn’t gain anymore. Something about the way his headlights were blaring in my rear view mirror even at midday, made me feel like he was metaphorically breathing down my neck…pressuring me to go faster or move out of the way.

But I know that road. And I know the speed limit. And I also know there’s a state trooper who likes to create a speed trap for unsuspecting drivers a few times a month, so no way was I going to let this guy pressure me into speeding up.

After a minute or so, he finally got the gist, and swerved into to the left lane, putting the pedal to the metal and leaving me to eat his dust.

But honestly, I was glad he passed me — it was a relief.

As I watched him speed down the road until his taillights disappeared completely, the phrase “this too shall pass” came to mind.

When we’re traveling the road of life, minding the speed limit (and our own business), there’s often times the enemy comes up and presses in hard on us as we are trying to stay within God’s limits.

Just like one of those aggressive drivers, he’ll come in looking all big, bad and intimidating…trying to pressure us to violate God’s laws.

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

The things of this earth are transient, fleeting, passing away — and that includes the temptations, persecutions, and other “light momentary afflictions” that the devil tries to bring about in our lives, provoking us with his own brand of “road rage.”

So…keep your eyes on the road. Keep those hands at 10 and 2— or better yet, let Jesus take the wheel — and just let the devil pass.

Because it will pass…it may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass. 😉

Until next time…

-PWAP

The “Keep the Van Clean” Contract

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Well, here I am again…another weekday afternoon spent just waiting in the school car rider line. It’s a 30 minute drive here, and at least a 30 minute wait once I’m parked.

With gas prices at $4.00 per gallon right now, my wallet doesn’t like that very much…but that’s ok — I also do some of my best thinking during this quiet ride.

Sometimes my husband comes with. On those days, we do more talking than thinking.

And then there’s those times when my husband drives himself — and on those days, he’s got one thing and one thing only on his mind:

Beat 👏 The 👏 Odysseys. 😂

— The Honda Odysseys, to be exact.

I don’t know whether it’s his competitive spirit or just that he wants to be the first to nab the super shady parking spot on 90 degree days 🥵 — but let me tell you, that man is on a mission. 🤣

Part of me can understand why he’d want to upstage the Odysseys though.

I mean, they do give off a slightly condescending vibe 😒 — what with their automatic doors, fresh wax jobs, and…ALL THOSE Disney passholder decals. 🤭🙄🙄🙄🤣

I kid.

But they certainly are a far cry from our dusty Kia van…whose only embellishment is a “custom pinstripe” down one side, courtesy of the sand hill cranes in our neighborhood, who viciously attacked it with their beaks during last year’s mating season. 🤦‍♀️

And don’t even get me started on the interior, which right now straight up looks like an episode of hoarders.

Literally every time those van doors open, I’m silently praying that one of our McDonald’s wrappers doesn’t go flying out the door like that feather from Forrest Gump.

But honestly people, it wasn’t always like this.

Believe it or not, our van was once in mint condition…even had that “new car smell” for at least a month after we drove it off the lot.

Ahhh, I still remember signing those purchase agreement papers like it was yesterday. 🥰

Our oldest son, who was about six at the time, was with us that day…he was busy playing a game on the iPad while we haggled with the salesman.

And that’s when my husband came up with the brilliant idea to quietly pull the salesman aside and ask if he would draw up a little “contract” for our son to sign as well — a “Keep the Van Clean” contract. 🤣

Thankfully, the salesman was eager to play along. And the hilarity that ensued was almost too much to bear with a straight face…

My husband vacated the seat nearest to the sales desk and motioned for my son to take his place…without missing a beat, the salesman began to explain to my son that indeed he too had a part to play in this whole purchase process.

We watched and listened as the salesman in his most professional composure walked my son through all the details of the “Keep the Van Clean” contract…🤣

My son looked at me in disbelief…would the van really be repossessed if we didn’t keep it clean?!?! 😳😳😳😳😳😱🤯

I bit my lip to keep from bursting out in laughter and somehow managed to nod soberly — but then immediately looked away as tears of laughter began rolling down my cheeks. 😂

We still have a carbon copy of that “contract” tucked away in our glove box for safe-keeping. 🤣

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Fast forward to today and despite the best of intentions, we obviously did not in fact end up keeping the van clean. 😩

Don’t get me wrong, we do take it through the car wash every now and again…always vowing afterward to “never eat fast food in here again.” But it’s never long before we’ve messed things up once more.

Good thing our local car wash has an option for an unlimited pass — for a monthly fee, you can drive through the wash and use the vacuums as many times as you need.

And that’s when I got to thinking…when it comes down to it, we’re all just like those minivans. And no matter how nice looking our “van” is on the outside, we all get all messy on the inside sometimes.

And God knows that.

He knows we’re messy…he knows life is rough and we tend to go off road sometimes…and get a little mud on our tires…we get busy and instead of consuming the bread of life from his Word, we’re stopping at a drive thru and keeping the evidence in a pile on our floorboards.

He also knows that just like my dirty old van, we as sinners are in desperate need of washing too — in need of cleansing from all our sins.

So through the blood of Christ the Lamb, He offers unlimited washes to us, too.

And best yet, God’s wash is free. Praise God the price has already been paid for you and me through Jesus’ sacrifice. 🙏❤️🙏

There is one stipulation though…

Our local car wash is open from dawn to dusk — daylight hours only. As convenient as it would be sometimes to we can’t expect to run through the carwash after business hours (when it’s dark), it’s closed. The washers aren’t working.

And just as we can’t run our van through the carwash in the middle of the night, we also cannot expect God to cleanse us when we are willfully walking in darkness. (Hebrew 10:26-29; Romans 6:1)

We must continue to walk in the light in order to receive that continual forgiveness and cleansing — to receive the blessing and privilege of unlimited washes. (I John 1:5-10) That means, following the example and teachings of Jesus in out everyday lives.

The “Keep the Van Clean” contract is a lot like God’s law for us. We should aim to be holy as He is holy — to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. But alas, we are human and we fail — the car wash is His grace for us through Jesus.

Take advantage of that wonderful grace today by acknowledging Jesus as the Son of God and your Savior, repenting of your sins, and being baptized for the remission of your sins. It’s a limited time offer too good to pass up! ❤️

Until next time…

-PWAP

50 Shades of White

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My parents are literally DAYS away from closing on their new home. There’s LOTS of last minute detail work going on to prepare for the final inspection.

To help speed things along, the other day my dad offered to help the painters do some touch-up work. So with a can of paint and a brush in hand, he went to work, dabbing away at any little nicks and smudges that needed retouching.

Ironically, most of the paint colors my parents chose for their house are all variations of the color white — Jasper White for the exterior, Origami White for the interior, and Pure White for all of the the baseboards and trim.

Now, if you haven’t been to the paint section at Lowe’s in a while, you’re probably scratching your head right now thinking “a white’s a white, isn’t it????”— and to that, all I can say is…bless your heart. 😂😂😂

Actually, there are SO many “different” whites to choose from nowadays…that after a while, it sort of makes your head spin. 😵‍💫

It’s like one minute you’re standing in a home improvement store looking through paint swatches and the next you’re suddenly sucked into a “white hole” of endless options.

And the longer you stare at the paint chips, the more they begin blurring together like the vast white sands of a New Mexico desert, until everything around you seems like nothing short of a distant mirage.

That is, until a sales associate wearing a blue vest taps you on the shoulder and says, “Ma’am, is there anything I can help you with?” 😂

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With sooooo many different whites to choose from, how DO you tell them apart?!?

The trouble is, when viewed individually, each white looks…well, white.

But according to today’s top designers, each shade of white has what they call an undertone.

An undertone is the hint of color that lurks just beneath the surface and ultimately affects your overall hue — causing it to look either cool, warm, or neutral. A cool undertone is generally associated with blues, pinks, or reds. A warm undertone is generally more peachy, golden, or yellow.

The trick to determining the undertone? Hold your swatch up to a “pure white.” Designers suggest using a plain white sheet of basic copy paper…and voila! The undertones jump right out.

This advice never rang truer than it did after my dad finally finished touching up those walls and texting pics of the progress to my mom…it was at that point we realized something had gone terribly wrong…😂.

Due to a mix up in paint lids, my dad (who is legally colorblind and can’t tell the difference between red and green let alone between two slightly different shades of white) had inadvertently been touching up the Origami White walls with PURE WHITE PAINT! 😱😂🥴😳😭🤯😵🤭

I think my mom was half tempted to flip her proverbial paint-lid over the whole debacle…but you know what they say…

…2 wrongs don’t make a WHITE. 😂😂😂🤭

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And that’s when I started thinking…

Just like all the various shades white out there, there are seemingly infinite shades of “truth” to choose from nowadays, too…and after a while, it all sort of makes your head spin. 😵‍💫

In our current culture, we’re led to believe that there is no such thing as absolute truth, but rather that truth is relative and that everyone has their own “personal truth,” if you will.

These “personal truths” seem to hold their own when held to nothing but their own standards; just as the white swatches all appear to be a true white when viewed individually.

But when held to a piece of copy paper, the difference is apparent. And in spiritual terms, that plain piece of white copy paper is none other than the Bible.

Next to the Truth of God’s Word, any man-made truths only pale in comparison. God’s Word alone is the true litmus test.

Why? Because the scriptures are from God Himself (II Timothy 3:16-17), and He alone is the most Pure (Psalm 12:6), the most Holy (I Samuel 2:2), the most High (Psalm 46:2), and the most Righteous (Psalm 119:142).

By our own standards, we may walk around looking like “good” people — but make no mistake, God is not colorblind. And when judged by His holiness, we ALLLLL have undertones.

“As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one;” – Romans 3:10

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” – Romans 3:23

Thankfully, God knows we have undertones, and He’s provided a way to cover those impurities with “…the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.” I Peter 1:19

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” -Isaiah 1:18

It is only when we are spiritually washed in the blood of Jesus through baptism that our souls — whether red, yellow, black, or “white” — can become as white as snow (Romans 6:3).

Praise God.

Until next time…

-PWAP

Random Acts of Kindness

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When I found out that today is National Random Acts of Kindness Day, I couldn’t help but write a post. ❤️

As I was driving home this morning, I looked through the drizzle that was slowly collecting on my windshield and saw a rainbow starting to form in the sky.

I followed it all the way to the end of my street, where I was surprised at what was waiting for me at the end — It was definitely NOT you’re typical pot of gold…but rather (as you can see from the picture) it was a “pot” of a completely DIFFERENT kind. 😂 💩🚽😂

I pulled into my driveway as the rainbow began to fade, but I couldn’t miss such a Kodak moment, so I hurriedly snapped this picture of my neighbor’s port-a-potty at the end of the rainbow.

In a strange sort of way, I thought it was a PERFECT representation of what “Random Acts of Kindness” day is supposed to be — trying to be a rainbow in someone else’s otherwise “crappy” day. 🥰💩🚽🌈😂

But we all know we don’t have to wait for February 17th to do this kind of stuff…

The Bible has so many admonitions for us to be kind each and every day!

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:32

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 7:12

“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.” – Luke 6:35

“So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” – Galatians 6:10

So, look for someone today…and tomorrow…and the next day, who you can be a blessing to. It could be someone you live or work with — or someone out of the ordinary! I guarantee it will make your day as much as it makes theirs.

Mahatma Ghandi is often credited with the idea that, “We have to be the change we want to see in the world.”

The Bible, it seems, is leading us to a similar conclusion — We have to be the good we want to see in the world.

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:16

We do good to spread good, but it’s not because WE are good — it’s because GOD is Good! Give Him the glory.

Maybe your random act of kindness today will be no more than a simple prayer for someone. Really, that’s the best place to start. (James 5:16)

And speaking of prayer…if you happen to be the recipient of an act of kindness today, don’t forget to thank God. 🙏🙏🙏 All good things ultimately come from Him and through Him. ❤️

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” – James 1:21

If something kind or good happens to you today, you can be sure it’s ultimately from God. The moments of goodness and mercy we get to experience in this life are just one of the ways we know He loves us, that He wants to call us His children, and that He longs to have a relationship with you and me.

He proved that to us in the ultimate act of kindness — Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross. (John 3:16)

How do we receive that love? Through belief and baptism. (Mark 16:16)

How do we love Him back? Keep His commandments. (John 14:15)

Until next time…

-PWAP

P.S. If you have any personal Random Acts of Kindness stories you would like to share, please comment! I would love to hear them! ❤️